The Scorned Girl's Handbook

End of an era in the bloggin world

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 18:37:25 GMT

Riiiiiiiight...

So, 2007 gets to be the year of the jedi mind trick AND the year of intense transitions. WOO!

I am feeling meh about lj right now. I keep trying to do an update and then am thoroughly un-enchanted with the results. Thinking I'm going to let this lj account die. I mean, its done some good things for me, and maybe in the future I will use it once in awhile to check-in and advertise for things etc. But for now R.I.P. to this particular facet of my life.

Its time for some new things to start happening in my world. The end.

Damn that song

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 06:06:16 GMT

So you might be wondering where I am right now. I am in L.A. cause our flight back was cancelled thanx to the magnificent timing of the blizzard and my flight. You might be wondering if I will be back in Denver by xmas. I am wondering the same thing. We are waking up at 4:00 am tomorrow to spend the next four/five days (depending on every scenario you could dream up) in LAX trying to get home in time to our families. This sucks ass.

I have generally been a weeping/crying/sobbing mess and also know that I only have so much control over the situation. Weird. To say the least.

I took some much needed decompression time-out tonight while the other kids went to a show, to walk to Arby's from Kara's apartment and had some pretty decent interactions with strangers that made me feel more human and less sobby zombie. Then I talked to my girlfriend for an hour, watched Zoolander and read an article about Angelina Jolie in Vogue.

I think when I have more distance from my panic/anxiety et al I shall be able to write a few funny anectdotes about the whole scenario and my time here...but it might take a lot of time. Buggar. Which is too bad cause I do really think this is kind of funny in a lot of ways.

*Although* today I did see Jennifer Beals at this bookstore in Santa Monica and felt normal for the first time since all this shit started goin down - just by being in her presence (an honest to goodness 3ft away! Which was really weird. But I was greatful to see her. It calmed me down and made me feel normal. I didnt accost her or even talk to her. I just kept a respectful distance and looked star-struck I am sure. This probably seems really weird but you know how I roll.

We heard a street preformer on 3rd street in Santa Monica playing I'll be home for christmas if only in my dreams while I was on the phone with my mom choking down tears while we talked about other options...driving, greyhound, train. All of which sort of sound like dying. We have a scheduled flight for the 26th at 6:40 in the morning, so if worse comes to worse I'll be home Tues early morning. What a rough fucking way to spend a christmas mates.

I miss you all a whole lot and have come to the conclusion that community means way more to me than fancy big cities that are overstimulating (even if you bump into Jennifer Beals in a bookstore sometimes). Basically I just miss you a whole lot and really want a hug. If you are reading this and it is within your means to call or txt me and tell me that you miss/love me that would mean the world to me. Esp on the 25th if I am still not home. If I can play on the internet at the airport I'll probably post some update or other.

Enjoy the snow guys! Missing you more every minute <3 b.

Proud Parent of my first baby

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 17:19:50 GMT

This made my day.

http://www.microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/zines/1816/

We're goin to a rock show A BIG GIGANTIC COCK SHOW

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 08:20:29 GMT

Ohmy.

Cant describe how drunk. Just way drunk. DDDDDUUUUURRRUUUNNNK.

But its ok cause got home and amazing girflriend took care of me and i am not going to die in sleep like sad pathetic cu frat boy

So far am amazed at drunk spelling. so far anyway.

DAMN PEACHES WAS AMAZING.

I seriously almost passed out just looking at her and i think maybe i told that to too many people too manytimes. itsok.

nite nite.

The barometer of may = drunk off of 1

Mon, 08 May 2006 23:51:25 GMT

This weekend was just crazY.

I escorted the Kare-Bear to The Shoe Ball to support Riss and wow...

1. Hit on/Cruised on Bourge-ie women for fun

2. The fun then tried to turn around and cruise me in the form of an elderly woman who was married

3. Got tanked off of 1 free margarita *shakes head at self*

5. Ate lots of free bourge-ie food

6. Some dude taking pictures asked me when I started 'internalizing' my gay-ness (i have no idea what the fuck that means either - i mean, i know what he meant - but jesus...way to fuck up langauge bro...although...i was wasted and he did seem nice/innocent/not a bad person, so maybe in the context of the conversation it wasnt that snatchy...i dont remember, f). He thought k & i were an item ha! Probably so did everyone. We were pretty butch-femmed out.

Found my drunken ass back to the cap hill area where I met up with folks at Armida's. Wow is all. Wow.

I still have that damn Fleatwood Mac song stuck in my head and the vision of that incredible man singing just like Stevie Nics...how does he do that?!?!?!?!?!

I was way too drunk (still) for the first half of my time there, but I remember it being fun and fucking bizarre - and then too much when I started looking beyond the table we were sitting at.

FYI - I got this email forwarded to me today by a third party:

So I hear though the grapevine that a group of zinesters in town is putting together a magazine called "The Lavender Hoe." Apparently, they were so inspired by The Yellow Rake that they felt an obligation to name their publication after mine. If you know these people, please let them know that I am touched.

-Brian Polk

I am probably only exacerbating the issue by posting this (as I am sure that this has something to do with lj &/or my big mouth) but its really just kind of funny.

So listen dude, I dont know you, but I'd appreciate it if you werent so up in my grill. I know Denver is a small place, but I really dont need your nose this far up my butt. I'm sure we can both operate our bitter self-righteous lives without any further aggravation from each other. Thanks.

ps - the fake lj account was a nice touch ;) if you ever want to talk in person like an adult just comment on my journal or talk to our mutual acquaintance (whomever that might be) and I'm sure we can arrange a time to sit down and talk out any grievances you might have.

Good Grief Charlie Brown

Fri, 05 May 2006 20:36:48 GMT

News flash of DOOM: Sleep dep provides mountains of entertainment yet again for brain enmeshed in the throws of idleness!

Imagine Kermit the Frog singing "Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?"

Its funny dammit.

And don't worry, we cased the Real World joint last night. All we have to do is go to lodo sauced and get in a fight with some dude-bro's - then the dyke will fall in love with us and we'll make MTV rue the day they ever decided that Denver was the next big thing according to TRL...or whatever. Obviously this is not the most organized plan ever. But I am only 1/2 serious.

Rhinoceropolis was like being in a bad hipster film. The band who went on before The Casual Lust actually apologised in our general direction (god, why am i such an asshole?) saying "We only have two more songs. Then we're done. Sorry." It might have had something to do with the fact that being in a bad hipster movie setting that is vaguely boulder-esque makes me incapable of wiping the most obviously nasty sneer off my face. Oh yeah, and also my snarky giggling and inappropraite comments & staring (+ nasty sneer). Ooops.

Hipsters are so weak. Seriously. Shouldnt I have been the one apologizing for being an asshole during their set?Instead they were apologizing for assailing my ears with their "music". Which is as it should be.

I guess in some ways I was just looking for a fight.

Apparently in the wrong place.

In other news(!): Crisis averted - mandatory overtime will not take place this weekend in the form I had imagined it, thank god. Taking work home, though infinitely sketchy, will be much better than actually being here.

Why does this feel like dying?

Thu, 04 May 2006 23:34:15 GMT

Wow...I almost lost my shit today big time.

Count Crankula.

A lesson that I apparently have not learned enough yet in my life: Sleep dep + Drinking heavily = cranktacular brandi.

Help me out with this one: Mandatory Overtime. There's got to be a loophole besides death. I leave it to you to figure it out.

??? ??? Anyone ??? ??? Anyone ??? ???

So much to say, so much to do, so much i'd rather be doing...

not enough time

going to Rhinoceropolis (sp?) tonight and i will try not to be an asshole to the hipsters, though if i have a beer i might crack someone's skull. You know how it goes.

I'm really mad at my brain chemistry right now.

Compounded by my anger at the world = reasons I should not be allowed to drive home in a couple minutes. Oh well, I am anyway.

Good luck other cars on the road, good luck.

I'm the kinda thatcha wanna

Tue, 02 May 2006 20:25:10 GMT

So I havent had time to update with pictures of the 6 week old kittens but I can tell you that they are so fucking cute that when you see them you'll want to squeal. Srslah.

One is gray and possibly stripe-ed and is gonna be a really big cuddly italian mafia lookin dude - his name is Morpheus. One is black/brown stripe-ed and teeny tiny and ever so relaxed, her/his name is Prince Valium.

They are so TINY!!

Kitties make me so happy *sigh*

Fuckabee's

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 19:24:27 GMT

HAPPY/BITTERSWEET:
Expect many many pictures of the NEW BABY KITTY FACE that I am picking up immediately after work tonight!!!

Skeletor is going with Kara and Ryan to L.A. so I am getting a baby kitty for myself because the loss of my domestic family for the last 4 years will be kinda rough. I am glad that Skeletranya is going with Kara though, cause grad school feels like it might be hard in a new city without a familiar furry thing around.

I am naming my new kitten Arabella and I am so goddamn excited I might pee in my pants!! She'll live with Squee for the meantime cause Skeletor is a little too 'territorial' (read: murders babies, human and otherwise) for a wee one to interact with when no one is home.

SAD/EXCITING/FUNNY/TREPIDATIOUS:
...And because there is a TV episode for every event in my life:

- My grandma has asked me to be the guest book person for her wedding (see Sex in The City episode when Charolette marries Harry and Miranda is the guest book person)

- This whole taking over the Real World's token dyke plan sounds good, but in preparation we should all watch the episode of Mission Hill where Andy tries to foil the Real World and ends up getting sucked into it so hard core. I mean...just so we're guarded...it is MTV ya know. However much I would like to see them fucked up the butt so hard they couldnt drag themselves to Spring Break '06 we must be wary of our enemy...very wary...they are very very trixy.

Can you believe that shit is gonna be in Denver?! Uh. Gross.

I swear if I go to the Snakepit next Tues. and someone asks me to sign an MTV release form to get my groove on to Madonna I will unleash a fury not yet experienced or seen in this city.

So is this it then? Is this the moment Denver's been waiting for? To become the next big thing?

Thanks MTV. Thanks. Thank you.

Thanks.

Cocksuckers.

I talk to myself when we are alone

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 23:02:21 GMT

My oh my how time flies by.

I'm coming up on the end of my year since graduation. You know, the time when I said I'd be getting my shit together. Ha! I'm thinking of riding that deadline out a little bit longer :) Besides all that I need to be at the age of 23 is myself. Right Lelana Pierce? Right.

Besides which, I did some soul-searching, or whatever, and decided that I'd done a lot of hard work personally this year that I am still in the middle of in some ways. That pretty much answered any question that I had about "being something in particular" or "getting my shit together".

Marriage and babies seem abundant lately. It makes me want to ralph.

Today at lunch we had chinese delivered and everyone talked about how their respective spouse proposed to them (everyone being the ladies in the house). How exciting for me.

I am so bored with this entry right now. Blah.

Run Jack, Run

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 22:33:09 GMT

* Anyone going to the Snakepit tonight?

* Things that drive me crazy in no particular order (value judgements excluded):
- Being thwarted by thwarting Myspace
- Living too close to the town/city/scourge I grew up in
- Being disgusted by the crap exiting my lungs now that I'm giving them a chance to survive to a reasonable age (ie: above 30)
- How my commitment to being morbidly enthralled/disgusted by TomKat & kitten is totally plateauing like a bad orgasm where you feel dirty afterwards...so dirty
- Another sex dream about http://www.meganmullally.net/ who is apparently straight - but was once a ballerina...and look at her in that suit...i rest my case. Gay gay gay. I have such a huge boner for that woman. (ok, in this instance i had to include a value judgement)
- Road Head (yes huh dykes can do it too)
- My desire for a cup of coffee that is not acrid

EDIT:
LAVENDAR HOE AT ANNA'S HOUSE FRIDAY - 8:30ish - I have flyers stating things like the address, what to bring besides your sexy brain, etc. - This is also a button making event so bring art supplies - and also potentially a queer prom committee meeting (i think?)

Notes of interest...to...um...note

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 20:21:31 GMT

I'm leaving for NM in 30 minutes and am sooooooo excited to not be in the 'rado that i might pee in my pants.

New Mexico is LOVE.

So many ideas for The Lavendar Hoe!! Put your scrappy cap on and write an article friends - April 28th tenative date for a dinner party to raise $$DOLLAR DOLLAR BILLS$$ for printing it - mi casa - good dinner - suggested donation $3 or food/drinks - but whatever's clever. Got ?'s - call me, but not til Mon. when I am back in town. Why April 28th for the party? Becuase the motherfucking yellow rake is releasing their May edition that night with a party with a $3 cover. Is Bullshit.

Anyway...write something and by the end of May we can put a little somethin somethin together. Thats right. Now I engage my liberty as your friend to call you out by name to contribute something cause I think you're smart/brilliant/clever/awesome/amazing: your name, you queer denverite, you.

See? I totally called you out.

Anyway, commence lavendar scare II.

Maholo folks have a great weekend, I'll be drinking margaritas in the desert and being blown away by the silence...

The first step is to admit you have a problem

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 23:27:58 GMT

Oh my god...

my addiction has reached a height unexpected and unprecedented...

you see, i was http://www.defamer.com/ and started looking into becoming an editor/writer at The L.A. Gossip Rag, beacause the folks who write for this site are HILARIOUS and I have to do something with my problem - when lo and behold what do i see...Defamer t-shirts - tip your editor...&...drum roll please...Defamer Mobile link.

"Hmmm..." I thought to myself "updates on my cellphone eh? I wonder how much that costs..."

Oh my god...

I am applying for Law School ASAP. I must engage my brain cells again before my boredom consumes me...

PS - So apparently Brooke Shields gave birth to her daughter in the room right next to the TomKat/Kitten debocle...How crazy is that?! I highly reccommend the last few articles on The Defamer about this whole catastrophe...they're fucking HILARIOUS - trust me

Just a Skater - Boi (psych naw)

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 23:38:29 GMT

I know I've been bitching batchily about stuff a lot lately, but just curious...does anyone else hate The Yellow Rake?

Cause if you do what about this idea - a satire of the yellow rake - but full of really good writing and reviews and important news of the queer scene in Denver. It could be called for example: The Lavendar Hoe.

Anyone interested in contributing an article or reviewing a local band - zine - show - conference - event - etc.? I guess this is what 'they' deem a CALL TO SUMBIT or something along those lines, yes?

Cause really...fuck the Yellow Rake. And more importantly fuck not having suitable radical publications in this city. Especially ones called The Lavendar Hoe.

Umm...so Shannon and I totally got cruised at the park last night by a crusty old man!! It was amazing. Poor guy, he totally thought he had hit the jackpot - two innocent 15-yr old boi's (one possibly in drag) sitting on a bench just waiting for Mr. Closeted to give them a red hot beef injection. My my was he surprised.

Ooops.

He was totally getting out of his car to come towards us when Shannon started laughing and said something like: "Oh, this is awkward." and he sort of re-closed the door to his rusty truck in a daze and drove off looking real confused. We didnt see him make any more cruising laps after that. I think we sort of killed his boner.

The most ridiculous part about writing this is that I stalked lj all day to see Shannon's post about this, and couldnt stand it a moment longer so I had to post this. Its possibly even more ridiculous that I wrote that...damn. K I'm stopping now.

(xcept for that PS - I know that Shannon and I both look like adults and not teenagers - I'm totally clear on that - but I was wistful for a moment about the possibility of being mistaken for a teenager. Not that I want to be one ever again, but you know...people die...so maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis...does that mean that I'll die in my 40's?! I quit smoking for crissakes that should buy at least a few more years!)

The World is a Crazy Bitch...I feel ok about this

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 20:00:23 GMT

Ever feel like certain events in your life completely unrelated to you are all culminating into convincing you that you never need to leave your house/bed again?

Check.

So, I mean...obviously I've been leaving my house...I guess more recently since I'm getting over being sick, but the things I have been seeing/noticing about the world (possibly as a result of being an introspective shut-in) are simply terrifying. Catch 22. I still dont understand what that means...though I'm fairly certain it's really obvious. Obvious like Kara's really smart friend asking if L.A. is by the ocean last night. Obvious like that. But what does it mean? Catch 22. Its stupid. Thats what it means. But I thought it was appropriate. Even though I have no idea what the fuck it's deal is.

I think someone got murdered or severely maimed by a weapon in the general vicinity of my block last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to a short and terrifying strangled scream. See what I mean? Obviously. Murder. So...that was exciting.

I am frusturated with my bitchy side that comes out in the Spring so intensely that its electric. Although, I guess I still have some compassion...though its very sparse and generally I think that its ok but somehow care underneath my tough skin possibly what someone might think? Whatever dudes.

There is so much I want to write about everyday everytime I look up and there just isnt enough time. Perhaps I should make time. I really really wish someone would pay my ass to write instead of look at ################## all day.

What have you been up to? Well...you see...it's like this

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 16:13:38 GMT

What I have been doing with myself and why you probably haven't seen me among the living: (T/F)

1. Have had two crippling sinus infections

2. Incapacitated by a virus/flu-like monster of DOOM

3. Bronchitis or other lung/chest-cold debilitating cold...thing

4. All of the above!!! Yay!!!!

Srslah. Somebody put me out of my misery.

The correct answer 4 - all of the above. Yes children, it's true. My immune system was THAT on top of it.

I am now a shadow of my former self. Skeletal, really. I am in dire DESIRE/WANT/NEED OF CALORIES. If you see me, feed me immediately. Just shove something in my mouth and force me to chew and swallow.

I miss you! I hope I see you in person soon when I am less contagious :) Mahalo!

"Who told you that, your psychic partner?"

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 19:26:50 GMT

There must be something in the planet/stars/moon/sun that is pulling folks into my life from the past in such a good way that I can hardly believe it. Whatever it is, I really kinda like it. These are folks from my past that I really genuinely want to see and re-connect with. It's so strange and good at the same time. Thanks universe!

Speaking of good things in the universe...The Snakepit was totally what the doctor ordered last night. Damn did it feel good to dance like a crazy ho with my buds. MMmmmmm hmmmmm. Yes it did.

Specially afer dulling my brains at work with things like this (Click at your own risk high suckage-inage potential):

1.http://www.defamer.com/ This one is the most reputable and hilarious

2.http://justjared.blogspot.com/I found this one on accident

3.http://www.brangelina.net/I really like this one for a quick fix

4.http://www.freekatie.net/news.htmlAnd my personal favorite with links to other internationally reputable news sources + some 'Free Katie' Merch (highly fashionable, of course)

Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do ok? It's not easy, but someone has to do it.

Also after some in depth detective work, here are my theories/predictions about Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise debocle:

* Cruise is trying to convert the world to scientology and failing miserably leading him to further lose his grip on reality and escalating a feeling of loss of control - which he is taking out on Holmes cause he is an abusive a-hole. I give the poor girl a few years of trying to work things out with the father of the new child *shudder* (poor thing being born into that) and then trying to leave him. I predict a repeat of the O.J. Simpson trial OR in 10 years an extensive interview and/or book about being brainwashed by Cruise and being in an abusive relationship. Maybe she'll also do the whole "mother teresa movie star helping the world to make myself look better sorta thing". Just my prediction.

The week-end

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 17:22:15 GMT

* Got to hang out with Jules for the first time in such a very long time!! It was so good to see her again even for such short moment in time.

* I got a little bit G.I. Jane about being a homo and got a new "hair cut/buzz cut". I was socially crippled by this move for about 48 hours but I'm feeling better about it now. Yes, clippers were involved. And I know...my hair grows way fast so by the time you see me it will just be hair, nothing exciting.

*Hung out with Aleesia!! Who is probably my most favorite girlie evah and reminded me that there are folks in my life who do lots of loving family stuff that are not blood related :) and made me feel better

* Was depressed and slept A GRIP and was depressed and slept A GRIP

* Went to Greeley with Squee to hang out with Katie and LaVonne
which was so many wonderful and necessary things in my life involving white wine and being around the 2 most important relations of my life that made me feel very love-ed and safe.

Then went to my little brother's 20th b-day kegger. That is how much I love the child...that I willingly appeared at a kegger in N. Colorado. *shakes head at self* Good grief Charlie Brown. I was only able to stomach the party for a few brief moments. Although I was very proud of him when a few Chad's walked in the back door collars popped, and he looked mighty nervous & said "I didnt invite them"...so you know...it was cool.

After the kegger we stopped at Johnson's Corner (scary red-neck truck stop off the highway) where some cowboys were not too sure of us and then I panicked and forgot how to find the highway while we were speeding away from them in the Truck listening to Hedwig and the Angry Inch...or Bjork...I dont remember which.

Sometime during this drive I also asked Squee to go to queer prom with me like this: "So do you wanna go with me...? Or something..." further convincing me of my perpetual state of '13 yr old boy'. *again shakes head at self* But then I asked nicely and not like a jackass.

* Went to the Tat yesterday and bought 'The Lucifer Principle' and 'The Odd Girl Out' needed new reading material desperately and feel as though I can breathe again. *Sigh* And also checked out some S/M literature. Hawt.

* Felt significantly less depressed and slept less of A GRIP once I realized that I liked my hair this short and G.I. Jane is a bad-ass anyway, and that I have a lot of really supportive beautiful people in my life for a reason - called reciprocity and mutuality and that made me feel better too.

Sometimes it's just a hard thing to feel slowly disowned and it makes me sleepy (+ spring makes me a crazy person in a lot of significantly chartable ways). But I am getting less depress-o about it with time passing/adjusting to this horrid season I think. Cept for that goddamned Ani song about Christmas and being alone and not having to play along with the fam. That song is so sad...and I like it so much. But it's...soo...bad...

Well...now that I've thoroughly queered your friends page up I think I'll go back to work. Mahalo

Weeeeee

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 16:42:32 GMT

So I had this massive sinus infection that I hadnt really aknowledged - skipped thurs and fri at work and went to the urgent care center in the h.r. They gave me 14 days worth of antibiotics and a massive horse sized pill decongestant (which is a solid formed object but called liquibid-D who names this crap?). Then I slept for 18 hours. I didnt know that I could do that without being dead. Fascinating.

This month was CRAZY with a capital C. I hope April and May chill out a little. Stupid Spring Sinus Suffering Suckface.

I feel like hibernating a little bit - so if/when I drop off and am not around for a bit that is Y.

I have a bone to pick with Sheryl Crow

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 23:56:05 GMT

Ok, Sherly Crow. So you have breast cancer. I find it a *little* suspect that you all of a sudden found out you had breast cancer after breaking up with The Cancer Guy (let's face it, that douche-bag is totally The Cancer Guy...what? He is!) So all of a sudden theres this huge break up, and *snap* Sheryl Crow has breast cancer. Wha...? You see what I mean? It's weeeeiiiirrrdddduuuhh. I mean, I know cancer is *everywhere* and in *all things* and *all people* these apocolyptic days OF DOOM, but for crissakes!

I know about these celebrities. I read People magazine ok. Sometimes US Weekly. If I'm feeling dirty...Vanity Fair. Its not easy, but someone has to do it. It feeds me. Whatever. The point is that celebrities have these things called "press reps" or what have you, who strategically release information about their clients to the press. Now...I know this is going down the shady path of conspiracy...but hear me out. I dont think there's a celebrity with a press rep who doesnt do some strategically public thing without a 'reason' however flaky, vapid, ridiculous, selfish, that reason is. Oh yes, behind every public snapshot, public outing, public apology, public entreaty, public confession, public urination, there is a reason.

Anyway, this Sheryl Crow thing really gets under my skin.

Exhibit A:
http://people.aol.com/people/galleries/0,19884,1175266,00.html

I'm sorry, but almost everyone has or will get cancer. Just because you wrote a shit song that was popular when girls were wearing scrunchies and getting over Amy Grant & just because you dated The Cancer Guy (who is such a phony and you know it) doesnt mean that you are any more special than any other woman who is actually dying of breast cancer right now. Stop commodyifying Cancer you assholes (you being: Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong). Are there going to be special Sheryl Crow breast cancer bracelets now that we can all buy to show our support of her shitty shitty music.

Assholes.

The March Hare

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 18:29:12 GMT

Been waxing sort of intro-spective of late. Lots of really beautiful things have been happening:

In short...

Nutshells

Survive

Cliche Revelations

Which do not adequately

express my happiness

1. Not giving people power who I had willingly given power to in the past (this one is huge)

2. ...Which piggy-backed an alignment of the most amazing order that I never thought I would experience (especially in March)

3. Smoke-free I still be and it is now a couple months +

Tonight - 2NITE - Tonight - 2NITE - Tonight - 2NITE

A Zine Reading featuring some folks from New Orleans and some local folks. 7:00 Pm'ish

Denver Zine Library located on 1644 Platte inside OTHER SIDE ARTS (vaguely cadi-corner Paris on the Platte)

Gets kind of cold in the space, if you are coming tonight wear layers!

MESSAGE ETHER: Folks I really miss in my life right now - Nick & Molly Mandelberg, Rebecca Crane, Emma Patton, Anne Henry, Jules, Susie Quteness - k universe if you could do something about that it would be wonderful. Thanks, thank you...thanks.

Invitation for you! & deathbed promises

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 16:19:24 GMT

Denver Zine Library Release Party:

This Saturday March 18th 8:00 pm
1225 Clarkson St. #3(go around back and up the stairs, notice all the bikes and know you're in the right place) -

please call me if you are a wee bit lost or need more directions.

(EDIT: So my zine 'The Tear Valve' is done!! I dont know how many copies I will have available tomorrow but if you want one - you can have one and if I run out I'll just make more. I'm not selling them yet, just trading and giving.)

*******************************************

So I called my dying grandfather last night cause my dad's all "Why dont you call your dying grandfather? You know, he'd really like to hear from you once in awhile." *really stern Hank Hill voice*

So I call him last night.

This is kind of funny. We're chatting about this and that. You know, just stuff. Then he gets all intense on my ass like he does "You know b. you've really been blessed by the good lord" (I ignore this comment and say 'yup' blankly in order to satisfy him) "In fact god's really blessed us all, he's looking out for us b. I really hope you dont do anything to mess that up. Dont draw any negative attention to yourself, you know, do anything to mess it up for all of us. Cause we've been blessed b. Very Veeeery blessed."

Wha...?

All of a sudden I had a vision of being there the moment he dies, and a deathbed promise: "Tell me, tell me you believe in God...tell me you'll get married and have babies. Promise me you will meet me in heaven you heathen...promise me!" Deathbed promises...umm...how can you say no? You're kind of obliged to say 'yes, i promise i will...blah blah blah' am I right? And then not carry through...making oneself a liar...that sucks. Are you still a liar if while you promise to 'blankity blank blank, hetero-normative judeo christian blah blah blah' if you cross your fingers behind your back? Does any of this even matter? No. No it does not.

Fuck deathbed promises. That shit is so tired. Redundant bullshit. People die. We are not immortal. Must this be rubbed in my face Springtime? Must it?!

K i'm done.

Never ceases to surprise me

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 18:11:02 GMT

Last night at EYC there was a new girl who wanted to destroy me with her wit. Which was just funny cause thats what I always used to do to my teachers, so I didnt really care that she was attempting it with me and thought it was way humorous.

"Why do you come here?" she said "Do you get satisfaction out of this?" Her voice was all razors and dont fuck with me bitch, I'm so hard.

I raised an eyebrow at her and smiled trying not to laugh "Do you get satisfaction out of this?" I said

You could feel the tense anticipation of every girl in the room as they leaned forward and watched what I would do waiting for a hint of weakness...you could hear them thinking 'Do we still like her? Is she going to choke? Why is she here anyway?'

The new girl said "I dont know...I mean...I dont care whether you're here or not..." she waited for me to say something and I just listened so she continued "I just think that it's so do-gooder, you know, its, like, cliche".

"Can you define cliche?" I said. And she couldn't, so I won her respect. How weird is that?

Then she made a zine about Bush and her feelings/opinions about his policies which was actually really informed and smart. Apparently her grandfather is part of the Grey Panthers (an activist group for old folks). I told her it was cool that she was so informed at such a young age, but that its also important to research issues and have your own opinions, which I think caught her a little off guard because I'm 97% sure that most of what she was saying was recycled Boulderite dogma. It was really nice to see a kiddo aware of what was going on in the world though and have some passion and spunk and fight.

Also occured to me today that my black jacket makes me feel like Han Solo...I always wanted to be Han Solo. Sooooo SWEET!

EDIT: It also occurs to me that God does hate fags. For example, sometimes at work I feel like he is in collusion with my 'collegues' while I listen to the conversations going on. Are people really this stupid. Somehow I feel it is not possible that people are THIS stupid. They must be just joking right? Is this some colossal joke being played on me that everyone is in on, where I'm actually the dumb one thinking that everyone else is is dumb? I'm so confused.

Swim with sharks and fly with aeroplanes in the air

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 16:49:32 GMT

Went to Pablo's last night at 9:30 pm to get caffienated enough to 'finish' the layout for my zine. Deacon was working and we chatted about zine stuff and he made me a 7 mocha on the rictor scale of sweetness (that dude is so kind and awesome).

He said he used to format his zines at Tom's Diner before it got bad. I nodded knowingly, even though the first time I was ever at Tom's Diner was with Robin in the fall, but I can imagine a better Tom's Diner in my mind's eye. This conversation made me wonder how old Deacon is."Before Tom's Diner was bad."See what I mean?

Then he asked me what kind of zine it was which me me uncomfortable in my shoes thinking of all the options and descriptors at that moment:
1. Oh, you know, incest abuse.
2. Rape and sexual abuse in the family
...and so I stuttered, "Well its kind of depressing...its a sex survivor zine" To which he replied "Yeah that is kind of depressing. Are you having a zine release party?" "No, no", I said, "Not for me, but there is one for a bunch of folks this saturday which sort of includes me." "Would I be an ass if I invited myself? he said. "Absolutley not!" I said. And then I forgot Anna and Kelly's address. So if anyone is reading this that has a flyer for this saturday...do you have any extra one(s) I could snag this week or that you could take to Pablo's?

Then I think I left without actually paying for my coffee by accident (I was totally spaced out) and went to go get more supplies of DOOM. The rest of the night I locked myself in my room and listened to 2 Bonnie Rait albums (ha!) and formatted the layout to my hearts content. I'm still not done and kind of not so sure about the nature of the beast at this point, but...we shall see. I am getting pretty committed to the idea of cutting and pasting for 70 pages I think.

Note that before all of this commenced I catapulted myself to a new level of old women by watching episode after episode after episode of The Golden Girls with Skeletor.

T.G.I.F.

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 23:25:08 GMT

What do you think is more important at the end of the day?

A. Sticking to your guns no matter how much it hurts and how many people hate you because you hurt them in order to stand up for yourself

B. Knowing that your soul is as clean and white as the pure driven snow and that you're not going to hell but you totally surrendered everything you were passionate about and became the proverbial doormat

D. The fact that spacing out after work has become a routine, deadly, and insidious practice that kills babies and drives me to crack by Friday every week